


Captain Shitface, a memoir by Bucky Barnes (or 5 times Bucky lost his cool over something stupid Steve did and the one time he said ENOUGH)

by aspecialkindofhuman



Series: The Biography of Captain Steve Rogers [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, First Kiss, M/M, Some pining, Stucky - Freeform, bucky hating and loving that little shithead part of steve, captain america being a shithead, i have nothing to say about this, lol, protective bucky is protective, yeah that's pretty much it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 03:53:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1925751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aspecialkindofhuman/pseuds/aspecialkindofhuman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. Steve and Bucky's first kiss after much pining and Steve being a stubborn little shit and Bucky wanting to tear his hair out because his best friend is a moron. Includes Bucky's reaction to Steve and the "grenade incident," Steve crashing his plane, fighting a demigod, and jumping out of a plane without a parachute.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Shitface, a memoir by Bucky Barnes (or 5 times Bucky lost his cool over something stupid Steve did and the one time he said ENOUGH)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by all those tumblr posts that are like "ooh this is Bucky's reaction after hearing Steve jumped out or an airplane without a parachute" and "I bet Bucky was mad as hell when he found out Steve jumped on top of a grenade." I tried to combine all those reactions into one place because I really, really enjoy teammates (especially Bucky) being protective of stupid shitface Steve Rogers. Some language, nothing terrible. Enjoy.

 

I

           Contrary to popular belief, Captain America was always a little shit. A proud, brave, selfless little shit, but a little shit all the same. When Steve was small, Bucky had some control over his life. He made sure the kid ate, washed behind his ears, and took all his meds. He helped Steve through the winters, huddled over him to conserve heat and kissed the back of his neck when he was fast asleep.

            Bucky came to the conclusion then that he could be perfectly happy as he was. As long as Steve stayed healthy and Bucky stayed beside him, he could live the rest of his poor life in Brooklyn with his best friend. It was saying something, considering how bad off they were. Bucky’s mechanic job was their only source of income and Steve spent most of his days trying not to hack up a lung. When they weren’t behind on the rent, they were scraping money together to pay for Steve’s medication. And when they weren’t doing that, they were taking charity from their elderly neighbors, swallowing down homemade lasagna with the rest of their pride.

            But Bucky was happy. Content. He had Steve. And as long as Steve was happy, Bucky was happy.

            Of course, it wasn’t meant to be. Bucky got drafted, went off to war, and Steve followed him, all strong and tall and not at all like Bucky remembered. Gradually, Bucky found his Steve beneath all the muscle his friend had become and coaxed him out into the open, smiling more and more as the skinny kid from Brooklyn got accustomed to his new body.

            He wasn’t sure exactly how long Steve had been planning to keep it from him, but the more Bucky thought about it, the more he realized Steve probably wouldn’t have told him at all if Peggy hadn’t mentioned in passing one day.

            “Yes.” She nodded, smiling brightly, red lipstick spreading over her curved lips. “He was a crazy little one. Took guts to do something like that.”

            Bucky forced a smile, teeth grinding down so hard into his jaw he heard the bone creak. “Tell me again how it happened? How Steve jumped on top of a fucking grenade?”

            “It was just a dummy grenade.” Peggy nodded sincerely and Bucky snorted – as if that made it any better. “It was a test by Colonel Phillips. He said wars weren’t won with kindness. They were won with guts.”

            “Guts, huh?” Bucky muttered, stalking away in the direction of _Captain America’s_ tent. “I’ll show him some guts alright. I’ll show him his own. On a stick. Being roasted over a fire.”

*

            “Just what the hell were you thinking?”

            “I was _thinking_ that I should do something to save everyone in the camp!”

            “That’s stupid, Steve. I don’t give a flying fuck about everyone else. I care about you!”

            They’d been going on like this for hours.

            “So you would’ve been okay with all of them dying?”

            “Yes! As long as you were safe! And anyway, that’s not the issue here! The issue is that your dumb ass doesn’t belong in a war! You do stupid things for stupid reasons and I don’t want you here!”

            “Well, too bad, Bucky! I’m here and I saved your ass by doing some stupid things so I suggest you try and live with it!”

            Peggy was feeling pretty damn guilty when she walked by Steve’s tent and heard all the raucous. She then went quickly to Colonel Phillips’ tent and tried to convince him to leave the country for a few days until Barnes settled down.

            “No!”

            “You can’t just tell me no!”   

            “I can and I just did!”

            “Bucky!”

            “It’s too dangerous for you, Steve! I don’t want you here!”

            “You don’t get to make that call!”

            “Do you think they’re going to be okay?” Dum Dum asked, pitching his voice to be heard over the boys’ yelling.

            “Lord.” Morita shrugged. “I don’t know.”

            “They’ll be fine.” Gabe looked pretty confident, but his voice didn’t match his words. “Bucky is a tough sonofabitch. It’s obvious he cares for the Captain.”

            “I’m getting the feeling Captain wasn’t always so big and strong.” Montgomery rested his chin in his hands, eyes narrowed in the direction of the tent. “You don’t get this worried about someone without due cause.”

            “Well, that’s a story for when they’re feeling fine and dandy again.” Dum Dum slid Monte a glance. “Don’t go bringing it up right now unless you want a sniper bullet in your skull.”

            The Howling Commandos shared an uneasy laugh. The group dynamics worked as they were. Cap lead the team and made sure each member of the group did their role while Bucky – who, although his rank didn’t qualify him to be second-in-command, was the second-in-command because everyone just kind of let him assume that position out of acknowledgement for his fierce protective feelings for Steve – kept Steve in line and rejected some of his crazier ideas. It worked. Their teams was successful. The destroyed HYDRA base after HYDRA base.

            And now it was all going to come crashing down over something Cap had done during basic training.

            The tent flap opened and the group jumped in unison. Bucky Barnes came strolling out, face like a thundercloud, snapping at anyone who came to close.

            “Don’t let him out of that tent.” He growled to Dugan. “I’m going to have a word with Colonel Phillips.”

            He stalked off without a second glance and Dugan swallowed hard.

            “Not like I could stop him if he decided to leave,” he said to the empty air and the group laughed nervously.

            Cap poked his head out of the tent and Dugan whistled lowly. His lip was split and there was a fresh shiner just under his eye, his cheekbone colored red and purple.

            “Where’d he go?” he asked after Dugan quieted down, smiling through his split lip.

            “Off to see the Colonel.” Monte nodded in the direction of his tent. “Which, now that I’m thinking about it, probably isn’t a good idea.”

            “I’ll go stop him.” Steve took off after his friend and Dugan spared a moment to think about just how much trouble he was going to be in when he caught up to Barnes.

            “Well,” he said, taking a long drink from a flash he kept at his side. “Here’s to hoping they get the hell over themselves.”

            “Cheers.” Monte grinned and the rest of the group laughed.

            “The way the act.” Gabe shook his head after he’d taken a drink. “They’re almost like an old married couple.”

            “They might be someday.” Morita smiled, kicking back and crossing his arms behind his head. “If they both survive this war.”

            And, of course, neither of them did.

 

II

            “What do we do?” Gabe panted in his walkie talkie. “We’ve got no backup coming, no air support, and we’re miles from the nearest supply line. If we can’t destroy this base, then how the hell are we supposed to burn the other ones?”

            They all heard the question, but everyone knew it was directed at Captain America. It was their first base after the one in Italy. The Colonel had sent them in without much warning and they were at a loss as to what exactly they were supposed to do.

This base wasn’t like the last one. There weren’t any POWs inside to free, no huge HYDRA tanks to blow up, no unlimited energy source to find and destroy. This base was full of men, HYDRA soldiers and Nazis, sleeping and training and learning how to kill. But more than that, there was a fucking concentration camp right beside the base giving Schmidt an endless supply of experimental test subjects.

Concentration camps made Bucky sick. He’d heard of them, seen footage of the Jews being rounded up and forced into unsanitary ghettos, but he didn’t understand the full extent of Hitler’s plan for the Jews in his concentration camps. And he wouldn’t understand until after he was thawed out and de-brainwashed, when he saw documentary after documentary detailing the horrors of Nazi extermination camps. That gave Bucky a whole new set of guilt and nightmares to deal with, but at this point, he just wanted to destroy every concentration camp he saw and let the Jewish people go free as they had been before the war.

It wasn’t an extermination camp – Bucky learned the difference long after the war – but it was still horrible and he felt they couldn’t completely destroy the HYDRA base without risking the lives of all the people in the neighboring camp.

“I’ve got an idea,” Steve’s voice crackled through the walkie after a moment of silence.

Bucky knew that tone too well to be pleased.

He and the other Howling Commandos were spread out over the hills around the camp. It was situated in a small valley – barely a dip in the geographical landscape of the surrounding area – with the concentration camp taking up most of the space. He was up high, sniper rifle aimed at the gate and finger itching on the trigger. Dum Dum and Monte were behind Steve, close to the front gate but far enough back to keep out of sight from the enemy. Gabe and Dernier were behind the camp itself, working on a way to infiltrate the camp and free as many Jews as they could. Morita was with Bucky, finding important targets for Bucky’s precious few sniper bullets. Steve was up closer to the front gate than Bucky would’ve liked, watching a steady line of trucks go into the gate, delivering supplies and weapons and God knows what else.

“What is it?” Bucky asked, trying very hard not to start cursing.

There was radio silence as Steve took a deep breath. “You’re not going to like it,”

*

Morita had to practically hold him down.

“Are you kidding me? Steve, you’re insane!” he yelled into the walkie, straining against Morita’s arms.

“It’s the only way.” Steve’s voice crackled over the line and Bucky could feel himself getting madder and madder. “They’ll be so distracted by the fact that they’ve caught Captain America that they won’t notice –”

“No, Steve! NO!” Bucky shouted. “You’re not gonna use yourself as bait, you little shit!”

“Buck, I have to.” Steve’s voice crackled again and Bucky was surprised to feel tears running down his face, hot, angry tears that clogged his throat and made his heart hurt. “I’m sorry.”

Bucky stopped struggling, all color leeching out of his cheeks. Morita was panting behind him, breathing curses into Bucky’s hair as he struggled to hold him down, struggled to stop him from rushing down the valley and to his friend so he could _strangle_ all the dumb ideas out of his little –

But his voice. His fucking _voice_.

It was the same one he’d heard when Steve was dying, lying on a little bed in Brooklyn while his lungs refused to breathe the air they so desperately needed. It was the same voice he’d heard echoing off the walls of every back alley in Brooklyn, calling to a bully and urging him to keep fighting even though Steve’s body was thisclose to giving out. It was the same voice he’d heard in the dark nights after Steve’s mom had died, asking Bucky to please come closer and just hold him for a few minutes.

It was the voice of that skinny kid from Brooklyn, the one too dumb to walk away from a fight. It was Steve’s voice, _Steven Grant Roger’s_ voice, poking through all the bravado of Captain America.

And Bucky caved to it, as he always had, without a sound or hint of struggle.

“You come back alive, you hear me?” He took a few deep breathes and Morita let him go, stepping back to give Bucky some privacy as he scrambled for the walkie, closing his fist around it and whispering very intently into the line. “You get in there and wait for us. As soon as it’s clear, I’m going in after you, got it?”

“Buck –” The relief was so clear in Steve’s voice. He’d really thought Bucky would stop him. He’d really thought that, despite his mammoth size and strength, Bucky could’ve stopped him from going through his insane plan.

“You stay alive until I come for you, okay? And when I do, you and I are going to have a long conversation about your safety and my sanity.” Bucky grit his teeth, spitting the words out through a tight closed mouth. But he said them anyway. Lord help him, he said them anyway.

“Okay.” Steve was smiling through the walkie – the little fucker – and Bucky had to close his eyes to keep his rage in check. “Okay, Sarge.”

“Be safe, _Captain_.” Bucky put as much sarcasm in the word as he could, tossing the walkie away from him before he could change his mind.

A few hours later, the camp was freed, the HYDRA base destroyed – from the inside out – and Bucky went diving into the rubble after his friend.

“Funny seeing you here,” Steve coughed as Bucky pulled him out of the wreckage, tattered suit and all.

“Son of a bitch.” Bucky pulled him into a hug and didn’t let go until he got assurance from Colonel Phillips via the walkie that a rescue team was on the way. “Son of a bitch, Steve.”

“Don’t talk about my momma that way.” Steve grinned and Bucky just shook his head.

“I’m gonna kill you,” Bucky said, not giving a single fuck that the rest of the Howling Commando team was watching their interaction with interest. “I swear, Stevie. One of these days . . .”

“But not today.” Steve coughed out a laugh and Bucky had never felt so light.

 

III

He heard about some of the other things Steve had done after he’d recovered most of his memories back from the Nazi bastards who’d taken them. The first one he heard was the great Steve Rogers sacrifice. As Tony was telling the story, Bucky was aware of a faint nugget of information supplying extra information at the back of his brain. The Winter Soldier knew the story, but Bucky did not. And as Tony was telling it, with great enthusiasm and a patriotic tear or two, Bucky got angrier and angrier and –

“You crashed the plane?” The glass of water he was holding shattered and Steve jumped a little, blushing beet red and looking away.

“Maybe?” He wouldn’t look Bucky in the eye, just tilted his head down towards the shattered remains of the glass cup scattered around the floor. “Umm, is your hand okay? I can get you –”

“What the hell, Steve?” He asked the question very calmly, but it wasn’t until Natasha gave him a look that he realized the words had come out in Russian.

“Oh dear.” Tony was backing away slowly, a hint of a wicked grin burning in his eyes. “This looks bad, Cap.”

 _“Tony!”_ Steve hissed, looking towards the tech billionaire. _“Don’t you dare leave me!”_

“Sorry, Cap.” Tony saluted him warily, watching Bucky’s eyes follow him out the door of Steve’s Stark Tower apartment. “Queen Elsa over there is looking pretty angry. This one’s all yours.”

“We’re going to leave too.” Sam and Clint were backing up with Tony and Natasha was already out the door. “Good luck, Cap.”

“Sam –!” But the door was already shut leaving Steve and Bucky alone together.

Steve closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Bucky listened to the sound of his breathing, quick and unsteady, and counted the number of breathes he took until he spoke again.

“Look,” he said quickly, like he was scared Bucky was going to cut him off. “I can explain –”

But Bucky didn’t cut him off so much as he tackled him, throwing him across the room out onto the long balcony of Steve’s apartment. Steve didn’t put up a fight, didn’t even try to resist, as Bucky followed him out there, sitting on his chest and crossing his arms solidly over his own.

“Buck –?” he wheezed a little and Bucky sniffed indignantly, easing off his chest a tiny amount.

“You dumbass,” he said quickly, his speech tight, clipped, and in Russian.

“I don’t know what you said, but I’m assuming it wasn’t very nice.” Steve coughed, trying to ease the tension with a smile, but it fell flat on Bucky’s hard, angry face.

“Do you get a kick out of trying to get yourself killed?” Bucky leaned forward, pressing all his weight into the center of Steve’s chest.

“Okay,” Steve coughed again. “I know that one. And the answer is no, I think. I don’t _enjoy_ it, per say, but I do like being able to save people.”

“You could’ve jumped out of the plane.”

“I doubt that was a possibility.”

“You could’ve made a smooth landing. You didn’t have to crash it.”

“You sure? Because of the two of us, who was actually on the plane that day and –?”

Bucky fisted the collar of Steve’s shirt, jerking his head up. “You could’ve died,” he snarled in English.

“Do you want to know why I did it?” Steve said after he realized that Bucky was not going to get off his chest.

 “To save people. I get it.”

He really didn’t.

 “I did it so I could see you.”

Bucky blinked, looking down at Steve in complete surprise. His face was open, a little red, but completely earnest and right there beneath him. “I thought you were dead,” Steve said simply. “And I thought if I died . . .”

The silence at the end of his sentence said the rest of the words for him.

“That’s fucking stupid,” Bucky said, but there wasn’t as much venom behind his words.

“I –” There was another word shaped around his mouth, lingering on the tip of his tongue. Bucky could see it hovering there, tipping forward like it was going to spill out his mouth, but stopping just before it left his lips.

But he knew what Steve would’ve said. Because he knew how he felt and there was no fucking way Bucky could feel this way about Steve and have the feelings not be reciprocated. That just wouldn’t happen. It couldn’t.

Right?

Bucky leaned down until they were nose to nose, pouring every last ounce of Soviet assassin fierceness into his words. “Don’t do it again.”

And the fucker – seriously Captain America was a little shit, even when he wasn’t trying to be – smiled his skinny-kid-from-Brooklyn-smile, the one that had got him in fight after fight, and the one Bucky had fallen in love with, long before he even knew the meaning of the word.

“Okay, Buck.”

 

IV

 A few months into living with Steve and the rest of the Avengers, Bucky started looking into dog leashes for Steve. He mentioned this in casual conversation and grinned when Tony nearly shit himself laughing so hard, but there was a nugget of truth in his statement.

“I hear about all your fuck ups from Natasha,” he said to Steve one night, when he and Bucky were curled up on the couch eating ice cream and watching all the Disney movies they’d missed.

“Remind me to trip her in the hallway the next time she comes over.” Steve’s voice was calm, but there was a faint tremor running through his words.

As there should’ve been.

Bucky was very, _very_ mad. But he was also very, _very_ good at hiding it.

“I was talking with Nat and Clint the other day.” Bucky began slowly, yanking Steve’s spoon out of his hand and using it to scoop out the last little bit of Smores ice cream.

“Mmmhmm,” Steve said nervously.

Bucky held it in his metal hand, licking the last of the ice cream from its reflective surface. “And Thor happened to drop by.”

He was watching Steve’s face out of the corner of his eye and he saw his eyes widen before he quickly looked away. “Oh really?” His voice quivered. It was obvious he was trying really hard to sound nonchalant, but he was missing by a mile.

“Told me all about his brother and the shitty things he did to our city.” Bucky stopped licking the spoon and held it in his hand, looking at his stretched out reflection in the back scoop of the spoon.

“Crap.” Steve dropped his head in defeat. “Crap, crap, crap.”

“And about how you took on his brother all by yourself,” Bucky continued as if Steve hadn’t spoken.

“In my defense, Stark came to help not long after. And Natasha was there with a SHIELD jet! It wasn’t like I was –”

“ _All by yourself,_ ” Bucky hissed, turning to Steve at the same time he flicked his fingers and bent the metal spoon in half.

Steve squeaked – ladies and gentlemen, America’s golden boy, the famous Captain America with a voice so high it could shatter glass – and dove off the couch, but Bucky was right behind him.

“You fucking moron!” Bucky chased him around Steve’s large apartment while _Frozen_ played on in the background. “You promised! You promised you wouldn’t pull this shit again!”

“That was before!” Steve shouted, running into the kitchen and putting the island between him and Bucky. He was panting – dumb super soldier, as if he was really winded – but there was a glimmer of a grin skirting around his lips and in the back of his eyes. “That was before I promised you,” he finished, flattening his hands on the tabletop between them. “I was being stupid.”

“You’re _always_ stupid!” That little hint of a grin only enraged Bucky further and he dove over the tabletop with no warning, hooking his arms around Steve’s waist and tackling him to the ground.

“Stop, stop, please!” Steve was laughing, the little fucker, and Bucky was sitting on top of him _again_ , like he used to when they were kids and Steve was trying to pick a fight that would get them both killed.

“You’re stupid!” Bucky shouted, shaking his head and crossing his legs on top of Steve’s back. “And I’m not moving until you promise you won’t pull this shit again!”

“I already promised!” He laughed and Bucky narrowed his eyes, flattening his metal hand on the tile beside Steve’s ear.

“You want to die, punk?” he said as menacingly as he could.

“Why you gonna do it?” Somehow Steve managed to roll over so he was on his back, facing Bucky even as he continued to sit on top of him.

Bucky shook his head. “I told you. One of these days . . .” He was flush with the memory. It was one of the few he’d been able to hold onto while HYDRA drove him mad, it was the little grain of truth he’d kept close to his heart when everything else had been stripped away.

“But not today.” Steve finished the sentence easily, grinning so wide Bucky was surprised his face didn’t just burst right open.

Bucky stayed silent for a moment, eyes narrowed sharply. Then he eased off, standing up and offering Steve his hand. “But not today,” he repeated, smiling when Steve grabbed his hand, fingers locking warmly around his palm.

 

V

            At the same time Bucky had learned about Steve’s idiocy with the wannabe god, he’d heard from Sam that Captain fucking America thought it was smart to jump out of a plane without a parachute. He kept that one to himself, watching Steve carefully on missions after that and trying, if at all possible, to make sure Steve took a chute with him.

            He didn’t confront Steve about it. He gave him nasty looks every time they were in the loading bay of a plane about to take off for a mission so Steve would know that he knew, but didn’t say anything beyond that.

            “It’s crazy, man.” Sam complained to him on the way back from a mission the two of them had taken on together alone. “He listens to you without a word of backsass. How do you do it?”

            “Oh there’s plenty of backsass,” Bucky grinned, clapping Sam on the shoulder. “But I’ve known the guy for what, 90 years now? I should know how to handle him when he gets a little _restless_.”

            “Very funny, Mr. Icicle.” Sam rolled his eyes and their playful banter continued. 

Bucky was halfway up the Stark Tower when the elevator – _Jarvis_ , it’s name was Jarvis, Tony’s fucking peeping Tom computer system – told him Steve had bent sent on a mission in the city while Bucky was out. Bucky then demanded the thing head back down so he could drive to the new SHIELD headquarters and yell at anyone within earshot why sending Steve on a mission without him was a bad idea.

He used the com from his last mission to hack into the SHIELD communication line, finding Natasha’s wavelength and zeroing in. “Talk to me,” he snapped, walking briskly along the bustling city street.

“It’s nothing big,” she tried to sooth him, but Bucky refused to be soothed. “There’s some big bad in Times Square. Says he wants to see Steve and only Steve. We’ve got the area cleared off, he’s being dropped in by –”

The sound of a helicopter motor zoomed by over Bucky’s head and he began to run after it, climbing up on the fire escapes and jumping from rooftop to rooftop towards Times Square.

“Why can’t he just drive in?” Bucky didn’t like that there was some bad guy asking for Steve alone. But he _really_ didn’t like that Steve was on a high-flying vehicle without Bucky and in a situation where he could potentially jump _without a parachute_.

“The dude’s a mad scientist. Covered the road in this thick black goo that springs up and attacks anybody who gets too close.”

“And you’re going to let Steve get near that guy?” Bucky hissed into the phone.

“Well –”

The rest of her words dropped off as Bucky looked up, watching the helicopter stop and hover high above the New York City skyline.

“Oh no, you bastard.” Bucky shook his head, metal hand clenching into a fist with the sound of whirring gears. “You better not.”

A tiny black dot detached from the big black dot that was the helicopter and as Bucky ran closer, he saw it was Steve diving down from the sky, star spangled suit and all.

“Son of a bitch,” Bucky cussed, covering feet in his long strides. “Son of a –”

Someone down on the street screamed, confirming Bucky’s suspicion.

“He should’ve pulled his chute by now,” he growled into his communicator, listening to the radio silence that greeted him.

“. . . He didn’t take one.”

The black dot disappeared between the skyscrapers and there was tremendous crash, the sound of pavement buckling under a large weight. Bucky yelled and tossed the communicator away, snarling incoherently in every language he knew.

When Steve emerged from Times Square an hour later covered in black goo with dark burns crisscrossing every square inch of his body, it took everything in Bucky not to attack him, goo burns and all. Steve knew he was angry, could probably see the smoke spilling from his nose, but he just smiled wearily, held up something that looked like a hosepipe with a long spray nozzle, and collapsed in a heap just beyond the line of goo.

“What did I say?” he asked running alongside Steve’s gurney as he was taken to SHIELD’s private hospital. “What did I _fucking_ say?”

“Sorry, Buck.”

*

The next mission Steve went on, Bucky showed up, uninvited, living up to the ghost part of his assassin nickname.

“Bucky? What –?”

“I’m here to keep an eye on you.” He said it as menacingly as possible, strapping on a parachute and tossing one at Steve before he can object. “Now behave.”

Steve gulped and took the chute while Sam watched on with a wry smile. “Impressive, man,” he said with a shake of his head, running out the plane doors with his wings already out. “You got to teach me how to do that.”

 

\+ I

The minute after Thor’s demigod brother showed up at the Tower, hulking reindeer helmet and all, Bucky knew he was going to be a real bitch to put down.

“Hello, brother. Nice to see you again.” Loki grinned at Thor who was wearing an expression halfway between delighted surprise and angry contempt.

“So this is Loki.” Bucky stepped in front of Thor, crossing his arms over his chest. He let his metal arm catch the light as he stepped between the two gods, scowling fiercely at the man who’d dared to take down Steve fucking Rogers.

“Buck –!” On the other side of the room, Steve was growing pale. He was sliding slowly along the wall, looking for something, _anything_ , he could use in place of his shield. There was something in his eyes, something very close to fear that Bucky didn’t like. Captain America was never scared. But Steve Rogers . . . well, even the good guys get scared every once in a while.

“You messed up my city.” Bucky ripped his eyes away from Steve, giving him more time to find his makeshift shield. Behind him, Bucky could feel Thor shaking off his surprise, gearing up to fight his brother.

Loki raised two dark brows, smiling contemptuously. “ _Your_ city?”

“Brother, don’t do this.” Thor finally found his voice, stepping up to Bucky’s side like he was ready to fight.

Loki grinned like a fiend looking for his next hit. “You don’t even know what I’m going to do.”

“I know it will not be good.” Thor had more sense than Bucky gave him credit for.

Behind Loki, Bucky could see Steve reaching for something. A flash of metal confirmed his suspicions as Steve picked up something hard and flat and moved like he was getting ready to aim it at Loki’s head.

But Loki just smiled, a dark curling grin that flushed around Bucky’s gut and brought up all the bad feelings he’d been trying so hard to fight back against. “Nice try,” he said, turning in one swift movement.

There was a flash of blue and then Bucky was running forward with Thor at his side, hammer raised high in the air. The fight was quick – apparently the little fucker hadn’t been counting on Bucky being yet another super soldier – and then Thor had him in a headlock and was dragging him back to Asgard to face some godly justice.

That left Bucky with a very frozen Steve Rogers.

“Fuck!” Bucky gasped, flattening his palms along the solid block of ice Steve was encased in. “Holy fuck.”

Inside the ice, Steve’s eyes were closed, his face twisted in unbelievable pain and everything inside Bucky broke, all at once.

“TONY!” he screamed, hoping the robotic fairy – _Jarvis_ , he’d never remember that – would pick up his distress and get some or all of the Avenger in there. “NATASHA!”

The cold activated the Winter Solider who began clawing at the ice with his metal fingers, trying to reach the man underneath it all.

Tony and Natasha found him a few minutes later, crying with his metal hand stuck to the ice on top of Steve’s heart. He turned to them with red eyes and an open, snarling mouth and began pleading for help.

It was a group effort to thaw Steve out of the ice. The ice was harder than any tools they had and it wouldn’t react to any amount of heat they put on it. “Fucking god magic,” Tony said, after he’d put on the suit and tried to melt Cap by burning a hole in the ice. “This shit is crazy.”

Finally, Thor came back from Asgard with some fancy-dancy sun god tech that melted Steve in less than five minutes. The moments after he was thawed out, when Tony and Bruce got him hooked up to all kinds of machines and monitors, were probably some of the most stressful of Bucky’s life. Steve had survived being frozen for decades, and Bucky had somehow gotten through the years being frozen and refrozen over and over again. But there was still that lingering nugget of doubt, that tiny drop of fear that Steve’s super solider body wouldn’t handle it. And Bucky would lose him to the ice.

Any fear Bucky might have had dropped away when Steve’s heart monitor started up, pinging loud and steady in the small hospital room. Steve came to a few minutes after that, slowly at first then with a great crash of consciousness.

“No!” he shouted, bolting upright and ripping all the wires and shit off his chest. “No, no, no, no!” he moaned.

Bucky cleared the room and grabbed Steve’s hands, holding them still as he thrashed about on the hospital bed. “Steve, it’s okay. It’s okay. You’re fine.”

“I lost again,” he muttered, eyes open, but unseeing. They were blue and dull, so pale compared to the brilliance Steve’s eyes always had in them. “I lost time. What year is it? I can’t –”

“It’s 2014.” Bucky hooked Steve’s wrists with his metal hand and used his flesh and blood one to push the blonde hair off his sweaty forehead. Steve finally looked up at him, blinking through whatever haze he’d fallen into and zeroing in on Bucky’s face with a blank, wide-eyed expression. “You’re safe,” Bucky breathed, stroking his hair very softly. “It’s okay. You didn’t lose anything. I’m here, and you’re here, and so are all your friends.”

“Buck –” Steve shivered so hard his teeth cracked together and Bucky, without thinking, crawled into the narrow hospital bed with him.

“It’s okay.” He repeated. “You didn’t lose any time. You’re safe. It’s okay.”

“Buck.” Steve sighed, pulling his wrists from Bucky’s grip in favor of looping his arms around him. “Bucky.”

They held each other and if Steve cried a little bit, Bucky pretended not to notice. And if Bucky cried a little bit, Steve pretended not to see as they just buried their faces into each other and let reality slowly settle back in around them.

“Fucking demigods,” Bucky breathed into the crown of Steve’s forehead.

Steve shook his head. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to freak out like that. It’s just –”

Bucky nodded, smoothing his hand over the back of Steve’s head. “The ice. I get it, Stevie. I do.”

“I mean the last time that happened I wake up and its –”

“You don’t have to explain.”

Bucky was silent for a minute, letting the silence grow still and comfortable around them.

“Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me something.”

“Sure, Buck.”

Bucky reached down and tipped Steve’s head up so he could look him in the eye. “Why do you do this to me?”

Steve’s eyes widened while a soft grin played around his lips. “What do you –?”

Bucky reeled him in, pressing his lips against Steve’s before he could finish his question. He could feel Steve’s shock in the hard lines of his mouth, but gradually they softened, opening and accepting Bucky’s kiss with more enthusiasm than Bucky had expected.

“No more,” Bucky said, pulling away and resting his forehead against Steve’s.

“Yeah, okay,” Steve said easily, stretching up to try and recapture Bucky’s lips. “Whatever you want, pal.”

“No, I mean it.” Bucky pushed him back a little. “I know you’re going to keep taking risks because you’re Captain America and people expect that from you.” A little frown line appeared across Steve’s brow and Bucky smiled, kissing it away. “But you’re not doing them without me.”

Steve smiled and it was like liquid sunshine running warmly across Bucky’s skin. He lowered his mouth to Steve’s to taste that sunshine and groaned when it flushed warmly into his mouth. He tasted sweet and warm and _Steve_.

“Enough.” Bucky breathed, pulling away.

“Okay.” Steve smiled, and Bucky knew, finally knew, deep down in his gut that Steve wasn’t lying, wasn’t placating him, or trying to keep him in the dark. “Okay.”

And Steve didn’t take any stupid risks after that.

For a week.

It was a solid week and Tony was more than impressed, but Bucky watched him slide a little wad of cash to Natasha under the table. In the hospital room, Steve sat on his bed looking like a kicked puppy until Bucky buried his fingers in Steve’s hair and dragged him into a kiss that was a little rougher than probably necessary.

“You shithead,” Bucky said afterwards and Steve just smiled his sunshine smile, right there against Bucky’s mouth.

“Always have been,” he said.

“And you will always will be,” Bucky finished, dragging him in for another kiss.

 

end


End file.
